Sex, Lies, and Self-Deception

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By: Jared With How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams

When you lie, you not unknowingly deceive yourself but the very man you wish to attract. If you are guilty of this cardinal sin, don’t worry about it, I am going to share with you a better way.

But let’s first start with the question of the day; How will a lie affect the relationship with the Potential Man of Your Dreams (MOYD)?

Ok, here we go: you meet this great guy name Charlie, and you and Charlie share many of the same interests and become the best of friends (18 Relationship Tips You Can Do as His Best Friend but not his Girlfriend). But, unbeknownst to Charlie, you are really madly in love with him and want entitlements. However, you never tell Charlie; in fact, a year later, you are in denial and trying desperately to enhance the negative things you may see in Charlie to the tenth power in order to support your denial, and perhaps your insecurities. Why? Instead of dealing with the truth, you have deceived yourself in hopes of freeing yourself from the true love you feel (Can A Woman Who Says She Loves a  Man in January Fall Out of Love with Him by March). In your heart of hearts, you know Charlie is different and  a special one in a million find.

Charlie, on the other hand, has no idea of how you truly feel because he thinks the two of you are really good friends.  But since you have been deceiving him, can you really be said to be a friend at all?

You might be wondering what the difference is between being a true friend and a person who is secretly in love. The difference is your intent. The fact that you were in love with Charlie from the very beginning of your relationship has blocked your ability to truly be his friend because you have cloaked your emotional involvement. This is considered living a lie, pretending to be somebody you are not. It was not only deceitful to Charlie, but also to you and anyone else around Charlie – like his girlfriends who have trusted that you are a friend when in the back of your mind all of your actions are based on your feelings as opposed to true friendship.

Let me give you an example:

Charlie brings another woman to his home while you are visiting and, consequently, Charlie and his lady friend get horny and go into the bedroom to have wild passionate sex. Let’s say you walk in the house from running an errand just as she is screaming from the orgasm she just had (Why Do Women Yell (Scream) During Sex?). You peel back out the door because your feelings are hurt. In your opinion, Charlie is an asshole and you’re mad, but you say absolutely nothing about your feelings to him. Although you want to blame Charlie you really cannot because he has no idea that you are in love with him. HowToGettheManofYourDreams.com please help me understand? Ok, were here honey, let’s dig in a little deeper.

Fast forward to the weekend: uh oh, another one of Charlie’s old friends comes by for a visit, one you know Charlie previously had a sexual relationship with. You are so seething mad from your feelings being hurt that the first chance you get to strike up an argument, you take. In fact, you have been throwing out negative innuendos to Charlie’s friend, who you now have consequently befriended through Charlie, all day. Charlie notices your smug comments indirectly directed toward him, but is too preoccupied to get involved in the conversation. But later, Charlie does address your negative rants because he thinks, “we’re all friends, right? So let’s talk about it.” But you’ve been incubating venom for days, weeks, perhaps months and even years for all we know, simply because you were never honest with Charlie.

The real truth? You have been in love with Charlie, had designs on him, from the very beginning of your friendship, and Charlie did not know because you never shared your thoughts or feelings with him. Ladies, men are not mind readers, so don’t expect even the best of us to know what is inside of your head. Only you can tell us that and frankly it’s too much work to guess – anyway, we might get it wrong! Look: there’s nothing wrong with your mouth. If you can use it when you are pissed off, why not use it – honestly and directly – when you have something to say? Once you’ve been living a lie, you have now spun a web so thick around yourself that you cannot even see that which is holding you hostage: your lies of omission. This is a much harder place to communicate from.

You cannot blame Charlie for being himself. Because you posed as his friend, you had access to inside information regarding his true feelings and dating relationships that he would not have shared with you if he knew you were in love with him. And now, every negative opinion you now have about Charlie as a human being, you’re seeing through the veil of your own lies. Can your judgment be trusted? Because of this one lie, you are now acting crazy, out of character, all for reasons unbeknownst to Charlie, which is very confusing.

So Charlie speaks with another female friend, who simply tells him, “Sally is in love with you, Charlie, and does not know how to tell you. That explains everything.” …wow! Charlie is shocked because this is the first revelation that made sense, explaining the erratic behavior of this person who he’d thought was his was his really good friend.

All the comments that Sally made that were way off base now all made sense. But now, because of all of the negative insults received and meaningless arguments, Charlie feels the trust between them was betrayed. Sally knew she was in love with Charlie, but was caught in her own web of deception and living a lie, or perhaps her own self-indulgent fantasy.

Ladies, it is always best to be up front and honest with a man, especially if you suspect he could be the man of your dreams. He is not a mind reader, so don’t expect him to know your innermost thoughts without your saying them straight out! Don’t assume he knows anything that you have not personally told him. Do not expect him to know that you are in love with him, even if you have had sex with each other. And don’t expect to gain his heart through treachery or deceptive friendship. The best way to gain a man’s heart is to first know what you want, and second, act upon those thoughts with clear, concise communication. As the old saying goes, “let the chips fall where they may” – hopefully they’ll bring you together because lies and deceit never will.

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