Interview with Sabrina, 30 years on the planet:
So here’s the scenario. My very first love, since I was 17 years old, is his brother. He and I had dated until I was 27. During all that time, he had other girlfriends and pretty much did what he wanted to do, and I never had a problem with it. We broke up because of personal disrespect he showed me, which related more to our sexual life than anything else: I am allergic to latex condoms, and when I explained to him that I was getting close to ovulation and we didn’t want me to get pregnant, he went and took the bread out of the bread bag and wanted to use the bread bag as protection! To say the least, at that moment I was through, and after 10 years I told him to get out.
During that 10 year relationship, I must be honest, I did not get the goody-two-shoes award because I did have a temporary fling with another man. But that’s not so bad, is it? He was having his fun! The fling was fun until I got pregnant after sleeping with both men within a three day period. (Yeah, stay tuned, that’s another story to be told.)
Okay, how did I get involved with his brother? By accident, of course! No, it was not over at their mama’s house at Thanksgiving dinner. We met through a personal ad. I was single and the ad drew my curiosity, so I made contact. When I did, I realized immediately that I recognized the person’s voice, but was not sure who it was. After several conversations, we had such a connection. But when we met and I realized…uh oh, it was my ex’s brother. What to do? Well, because we had clicked, I decided we might as well go out anyway.
We went for drinks, and then it became more drinks, until we were flat out intoxicated beyond the legal driving limit. So what was a girl supposed to do? Send him home or let him sleep it off on the couch?
I simply invited him to sleep on the couch in the best interest of justice and the safety of our community. Everything was going well until his back started hurting and he cried for help. I guess the couch was uncomfortable. So what was a girl supposed to do? Be rude and say, “Oh, the pain will subside, here, take two Tylenol and call me in the morning”? Noooo! I stripped him down to his boxers and then began to oil and apply the proper pressure to relieve the pain, but as the pain subsided I noticed something looming in the distance like a tall building. I said, oh my goodness, what is that? What is a girl supposed to do? I must say it caught my attention… What was a girl suppose to do? At that moment the passion rose to a heightened level and for a couple minutes — oh heck, for a few hours — I totally forgot this was the brother of my ex and my first love.
Our eyes and lips locked, and we had sex like wild beasts. That was our first time and we are still going strong – but, five years later, he also says that I forced him into a relationship. What the heck?
And it doesn’t end there. My ex hates my guts, on one hand, and he wants to do nasty things to me, on the other. At family functions, he shows his disrespect for both his brother and me by touching me in ways he should not. I do not understand why he is so mad. What is a girl supposed to do?
For all of you ladies who do not know the rules of the relationship game, here are four red flags that you absolutely need to know about. Maybe they’re unspoken, but if they’re broken, you’ll find yourself the talk of the town! Even if one of these men says, “Come on baby, I’m aching for you,” your life is going to be better if you turn him down.
Do not have sex with the brother of your ex, unless you want to be recognized as the freak of the week. Your reputation of loose behavior could send out a vibration to all men to lose respect for you and just see you as a quick roll in the hay, or believe that you’d never be a trustworthy member of the family.
Do not have sex with the best friend of your ex boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, uncle or cousin. No man will ever appreciate you crossing these seen or unseen boundary lines.
Do not have sex with the plumber, pool man, gardener, or mailman including but not limited to FedEx, UPS and any other carrier service. Yeah I know that’s what happens in the adult movies…
Do not have sex with or seduce the local pastor or deacon who came by your house to offer prayer.
It is unfortunate that Sabrina has unnecessarily over complicated her life, but some women love and thrive on drama and chaos. It even turns them on. It is certainly a task to manage two ex-boyfriends, even more so when one is the brother who may just pop up at the next family function.
This makes family functions stressful for everyone involved. The ex, being her first love, does not know whether to smack her on the butt or just say hello. It’s confusing: What do you do at family functions? Hold his hand while your ex looks on with an evil eye? What if you slip and the old feelings come back and as soon as you go to the bathroom, he slips in the door behind you for a quickie… uh oh! What are you going to do? Or what if there are more brothers in the family, all wondering who’s next? (And if for some reason, on a warm summer night, you do slip, make sure you wrap it up! Dating two brothers in the same family is tricky, but not knowing who the daddy of your child is? That’s much harder.)
If I were these boys’ daddy, I would try to protect my sons from such scenarios that could eventually drive them to hate each other. Everyone probably wishes they had thought it through before the act took place. Sabrina says, “I just can’t understand how long my ex is going to have a bad attitude towards me! It’s been five years! If we have a child, is he not going to accept the baby?” Well, let me see if I can help: it’s the equivalent of your ex man having sex with your mother over and over again, and during Christmas and Thanksgiving he is cutting the turkey slices at the family table and putting them in your mother’s open mouth as they both giggle and wiggle.
I think you might lose your appetite, to say the least.
So you’ve moved on to his baby brother, which is insulting. In Biblical times, it was tradition to take on your brother’s wife if and only if he passed away and did not have a son: “If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her”(Deuteronomy 25:5). Okay, but what use is there in that now? Most men in today’s time period would find this kind of thinking dysfunctional and archaic: “I am not having sex with my brother’s wife, sorry.”
You see the huge difference? Sex with your ex’s brother is a bad idea and deciding to have a relationship with him shows a selfish disregard for the feelings of his family members, and for these very reasons I would not recommend you to ever go down this road. Think long term before you act. “Uncle Charles, you were mommy’s first love? I am confused.” How do you explain that?
Although we know stranger things have happened (I caught my man cheating with his girl cousin), I do personally think it’s a little weird to be dating the brother of your ex and first love. I do believe we have reached our maximum point of tolerance in our relationship when we perform such acts and as a result will have forever created a very awkward relationship for your relationship and the family. But at the end of the day it’s your life, and if you are both happy, so be it. This has been going on for five years already, so you have to own up to your choices and do your best to keep calm and show your devotion.