What to Do If Your Husband or Boyfriend Tells You You’re Not Sexy

Phograph By: Jenn St. Onge

Phograph By: Jenn St. Onge

By: How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams

What happened? You used to be sexy in the man of your dreams (MOYD) eyes, and now he is telling you that you no longer are. I know you are in shock, so let me first apologize. I know it hurts. However, being sad and depressed over this matter is not going to solve the problem. So let’s get into it, dig deep, and figure out what needs to be done in order to bring about the desired result. Ok, let’s go get your mojo back!

It’s time for you to take a moment and go back through your relationship and pinpoint when he started perceiving you as less sexy.  Did you get a new job or career change where you were working all the time and as a consequence were not doing those little things that made your man crazy about you? Not sexy! Have you forgotten how to date your man, like you did in the beginning of the relationship? Not Sexy! Did you get too comfortable and pack away all of the clothes you used to attract your man of your dreams? Not sexy! Were you a size 2 when you met your man and now you are a size 9? Not sexy! Are you in the same place mentally, physically and spiritually that you were three years ago when you first started dating your man? Not sexy! Have you become boring, meaning that you do the same routine everyday and have lost your zest for life and exploration? Not sexy! Now that you’ve found the man of your dreams, have you started to feel settled and made everything his fault, meaning you never apologize or take responsibility for the mistakes you make? Not sexy!

And believe me, there are even more scenarios that could make you less sexy in the eyes of the MOYD.
Being sexy has to do with your attitude as much as with your body, and a receptive, humble attitude is sexy. A nasty mouth and bad, unreceptive attitude are definitely not sexy in any man’s eyes. (Proverbs 21:19 says, “It’s better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining woman.” Wow! I hate to have been witness to that relationship.)

Now: what can you do? Number one, don’t get upset when a man is honest with you. Instead, appreciate that he is telling you how he really feels. Why? Because you want him to communicate with you, good or bad, and by truly listening to the problem, you have given yourself a chance to fix it. (The Art of Listening to the Man of Your Dreams, James 1:19). Remember those marriage vows? Rich or poor, better or worse…(Should Marriage Vows Be Updated?) You will shut him down in a negative way if you respond like a raving lunatic, and will eventually push him into the arms of another waiting woman who will not only be willing to listen, but also willing fix the problem in both outward and covert ways: “Bobby, I know Jennifer is getting on your last nerve. She is boring, does not listen, etc…let’s just go out tonight and get your mind off the problem.”

In the meantime, of course, Suzy has her plan. You know the old saying one man’s trash is another woman’s treasure? Don’t treat your man like trash, and he won’t go elsewhere to feel like a treasure. Even if you want to blow your top, don‘t do it: listen and use this moment as an opportunity. If your goal is to solve the problem and get your mojo back, why would you fling insults? That isn’t going to keep the MOYD interested in you!

If you always take the high road, you will rule over those on the lower road. The high road in this case is looking at the situation positively, which gives you an opportunity to make adjustments as oppose to him just going out behind your back to meet his needs. The fact that he telling you is a cry for change. Listen: perhaps it’s time for you to do something different (10 Dating Tips on How To Be Different from the Competition!). Please realize the fact that because he took the time to tell you means he still cares about you. This is very good. Responding well to adverse conditions, in the relationship and elsewhere, is a sexy thing! “Tom, your girl does not get mad about anything…” You don’t think all men want that?

Warning: dwelling on negative thoughts and talking to your girlfriends isn’t going to fix the problem. You think they’re going to be helpful if all they hear from you is what’s WRONG with your man? Anyway, they’re not the ones you should be talking to. Only your man knows what’s inside his head. Guessing at it or badmouthing your man might make you feel better for a minute, but it won’t fix the problem.

Use the following instructions to help you get your mojo back:

Keep it simple.

1. Ask him what is sexy to him. “Baby, give me some examples, pictures, styles.. etc.” Now, this is not going to be necessarily an easy task, because you are digging below the surface and potentially at the root of the problem. He also knows it’s a very sensitive topic due to a woman’s fragile nature, and he has to be very careful so that a major fight will not ensue, so be very patient. Remember that you are demonstrating that you are secure in yourself by being open to hearing criticisms and being willing to change! When your man finally discloses what he thinks is sexy, see if you can meet the criteria or if he is just dreaming. Maybe you’re not going to get butt implants, but being active can be very sexy, so get a membership, go buy yourself some nice workout clothes, and go to the gym

2. Accessorize. Some women wear no make up and no accessories simply because they are naturally beautiful; however, you have to keep in mind what men are bombarded with every day. Makeup can make a not so attractive woman beautiful, so make sure you are staying on your P’s and Q’s by adding a little enhancement here and there (not too much makeup, though – not sexy!) (6 Reasons Why Men Dislike Women with Fake Hair, Fake Boobs, Butt Pads, Bra Pads, or Too Much Makeup). Just keep yourself from getting too complacent. For example, going to bed with rollers in your hair and some grandma pajamas is certainly not sexy. Pick one, but not both.

3. Intellect. Raising your intellect is certainly sexy when applied in a respectful, non-threatening way. For example, the fact that you asked him, “what is sexy in your eyes?” because you want to please your man even though of course you don’t want to hear that you are not sexy, is sexy. Sometimes relationships need a reboot, so take this uncomfortable compliment and make it an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

4. Get some goals. I am sorry, but a woman who just sits on the couch of life everyday with no goals and dreams is not sexy. Her mind and perhaps her body will end up in places it does not need to be. Not Sexy! An Idle Mind is a devil’s workshop. (2Thessalonians 3:6-13) It’s an old but very true saying. You made the decision to come to this planet and no matter how big or small your goals are, set some short-term (3, 6, 9 months) and long-term (1-5 years) goals (Ecclesiastes 11:5). Setting and achieving your goals is not only living life, it’s super sexy. You can do it baby! (The Five Magic Words The Man You’re Dating Secretly Wants You To Say)

5. Take care of your man. Knowing how to take care of the MOYD sexually, physically and mentally specific to his taste is not only sexy but also essential to a successful relationship (How to Take Care of the Man You’re Dating 101). If you could peek inside relationships of other women, you would be surprised at just how many women spend time shopping to look great for the MOYD, but have absolutely no idea or skills in taking care of him. Yes she looks marvelous, but trust me when I tell you she has little or no skill. (Understanding the Big 9 Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women) Although she can temporarily attract the MOYD attention, in the long run she will lose him or be cheated on with a woman who is more attentive to his personal needs.

My motto? Close as many loopholes as you can, now as opposed to later. Whether you like it or not, your heart is at stake. The last thing you want to hear the MOYD say is, “you are not sexy.”