Editor’s Note: I’ve been plus-size my entire adult life. I’ve been as large as 406lbs and as “small” as my current 220. I have experienced the gamut of plus-size dating trials and successes. The assumptions about larger women are moslty made because society has yet to embrace the beauty of ALL women. Guess what? There’s more to us than the myths.– Feminista Jones
I was born 10 lbs. 4 oz. and 22.5 inches long. The only girl born in the hospital that day, you could say I was destined to be the big girl in the room. I’m what some might call a plus-size veteran. Nearly every day, I’m reminded by media, society, or my mirror about my weight and how it affects my dating life. Most smaller folks would love to throw pennies of pity into my proverbial empty Styrofoam cup, but I’d like to tell them this: I don’t need your change.
As a lifelong big girl (so far), I’d like to debunk a few myths about plus size women and our dating lives.
Myth #1. Plus size women are desperate for dates.
Here’s the thing. Just because I wear a size 22 doesn’t mean every random man has a shot with me. There is a belief that those who are deemed unattractive in society (this includes being big) have no right to have standards.
When I walk into a room with my head held high, eyes from people of every gender quizzically scan my body as if to ask, “How dare she be confident?“. At times I feel like I’m forced to display my sparkling personality faster because I’m overcompensating for the fact that they expect me not to love myself.
Confidence is important for any woman to have, big or small. I was fortunate enough to be raised to love myself, but confidence is like a muscle; if you don’t use it, it will deteriorate. The ability to remain secure with yourself can require constant effort from anyone.
Myth #2. Plus size women are lonely & sexless.
I’ve been dating since I was 15 and I have barely been single since. The only reason I’m single now is because I haven’t chosen anyone to be with. This doesn’t mean there haven’t been any offers. Men do approach me a lot. Big girls are having sex. Lots of sex. Just know that. Quiet as its kept, some plus sized women have more going on in that department than their smaller friends.
I will admit there is a population of men who deliberately go after big girls believing that we are easy prey. But this isn’t about their sorry asses. There are just as many superficial jerks chasing after slim women.
May I add that mature men (read 40+ years old) are an untapped resource for plus sized women? Just saying…
3. Plus size women eat all the time & that’s why they’re fat.
I despise when people patronizingly offer me food, especially sweets (I’m not a sweets eater at all). In dating situations, guys may ask if I want something to eat. I say no. The rattle off a litany of sweet, sugary treats like a rude auctioneer, waiting for me to bid on something fattening. As a last ditch effort they go, “Are you SURE you don’t want anything to eat?”
It makes me want to punch them in the throat.
No, I don’t want anything to eat! I’m fine. I don’t sit around gobbling everything I see. Plus I don’t drink pop (soda for you non-Midwesterners), so people look at me, their eyes asking “Well if you don’t eat candy, cake, cookies, pies, and tarts, why are you fat?” My answer to them is twofold: screw you and why are you still offering me food to try to make me fatter?
There’s no way for me to tackle the perils and pluses of plus size dating in one fell swoop, but I’d love to hear some of the myths/limiting beliefs you hear and deal with daily.