“It’s been about 2 weeks since I found out my husband had an affair that lasted for over a year. Since then, I’ve been doing some digging and I came across several letters and texts that indicate my husband had some strong feelings for her and was quite committed to the relationship.
However, at this point he’s begging me to stay with him and not leave him because he wants to salvage our marriage. Things are really rough between us and he doesn’t show me much affection or remorse for his actions despite what he’s saying. Deep down inside I really want to save my marriage and I still care for him but I don’t really think he loves me.
I’m terrified to ask him how he really feels about me after reading all the texts and letters that they sent each other. I just don’t know what his answer will be. Should I just get it over with and ask him? I’m not sure what to do next?”
I don’t know why, but one of the biggest concerns that women have after the affair is how their husbands feel about them. Even when their world has been rocked and turned upside down most women secretly fear that their husbands have stopped loving them.
It May Be Too Soon After The Affair To Tell
After the affair, it’s normal for people to want answers because it gives them a sense of closure to questions that they have. Don’t worry if you have a lot of questions that you want answered I suggest you write them down somewhere but don’t try and get them all answered at once. I understand you want to evaluate everything and try and plan for the future and that an immediate answer to your questions might relieve some of your pain.
However, what we fail to realize is that it might be too soon for answers. Keep in mind that emotions are still tender and everything is still a little cloudy after the affair and also people’s emotions towards each other change drastically as time progresses. So while one person may be kicking themselves today, that may change in a few weeks or months. Husbands may claim they don’t love their wives but as time moves on these feelings can easily change and so can yours.
Judge Your Husband’s Feelings By His Actions Over Time
It’s understandable from the question that the wife feared the answer she was going to get because she didn’t want to get emotionally rejected from her husband, so for the time being it’s not worth pressing your husband over. After an affair your world is turned inside out and upside down and so it takes time for things to work themselves out.
In certain cases, pressing the issue and demanding answers in our own time can actually hurt our position and make things worse. However, if asked, chances are your husband would tell you that he still loves you, after all, he told you he wanted to save the marriage. If however, you’re still feeling uneasy about asking your husband whether or not he still loves you then don’t do it. In any case, the answer will come with time.
Words can be manipulated and misunderstood. If you want to truly see how your husband feels about you watch what he does, not what he says. You need to give things time, in the coming weeks and months your husband’s actions will speak loudly and clearly and tell you more than his words ever could. So in the event that you’re concerned with how your husband feels towards you, watch your husband’s actions over time. If your husband truly loves you, he’ll hang in there and be there for you when you need him.
What If My Husband Tells Me He Loves Me But Is Still Not Showing It?
If you ask if your husband loves you odds are he’ll tell you he does. But what happens if he still isn’t acting like he loves you? What do you do then? Most women normally think exactly the same way about this issue: “he said he loves me but he’s so distant and won’t show me any attention. He doesn’t act like he loves me and he always looks so upset any time he looks at me. As soon as he does this I question if he really loves me at all?”
I understand your concerns, but if the affair is still fresh for both of you your lives will be filled with doubt and uncertainty because you’re dealing with two people who’s lives have been destroyed and need to be rebuilt. There’s a good chance that the anger and frustration you think your husband feels towards you is really directed towards him.
In most cases after an affair, men tend to distance themselves from everyone because they are embarrassed and ashamed with themselves and don’t know how to deal with the after effects of an affair.
Your man might not know how to express himself emotionally after the affair and so to keep himself from feeling vulnerable he shuts down instead and as a result you interpret this as him not loving you which isn’t necessarily the case.
Today is the day to make a change in your life for the better, learn more about how you can get your man to open up and express his feelings to you after the affair here.