5 Big Steps on How To Overcome Jealousy in Your Relationship


By: Jared Kennedy

Why are some of the most beautiful women in the world the most jealous? Often in the dating world, a man finally gets to date the woman he finds picture-perfect, only to find out later that he has attracted the most jealous and insecure woman he has ever met. (Dating the Insecure Woman vs. the Secure Woman, Part 1) ( Dating the Insecure Woman vs. Secure Woman, Part 2)(Understanding the Big 9 Reasons Men Cheat on Beautiful Women). Imagine the irony of that.

Jealous women tend to have every exterior asset, but the interior is often missing those plush leather seats that make the new car you just purchased perfect. Imagine going to the car dealer to buy your dream vehicle, but when you are ready to drive off the lot after eight grueling hours of paperwork, they remove the seats. You’re like, “Hey, I want my money back, or at least put the seats back in.”

Jealousy is a strange beast and a very unattractive trait. The woman who waves this relationship red flag will ask all types of weird and unnecessary questions, and as men we start to get the feeling that her probing questions are not because she cares about what our friends Bobby and Suzy were conversing about with us in our meeting. Her only concern is herself, her security and positioning. When you think about it hard enough, it makes you want to throw up. It’s the opposite of true love. Jealousy is an ugly trait that, if not properly managed, will rip a perfectly good relationship to shreds.

On the other hand, sometimes a little jealousy can be healthy for the relationship and somewhat attractive. But when and if it gets out of control, it can become an ugly monster and your worst nightmare. “Where are you going, Teddy? You better not be flirting with any women!” Yikes, scary chick! Not cool. Eventually, your man will be looking for a way out.

The key to overcoming jealousy is to identify and control the feelings within yourself that create those negative reactions. So at this point, you might be wondering what the solution is to rid yourself of these emotions.

Let’s start by asking: Why are you so afraid of losing your man to another woman? Why do you need to have all of his time and personal attention? What is it about you, or your past relationships or childhood, that may have contributed to these feelings of loneliness and abandonment?

The law of attraction states you will attract the very situations you fear and want to avoid. The psychology of the law is true, because subconscious thoughts are transferred to your conscious thoughts through your speech. They are then expressed emotionally by your unnecessarily-probing questions. This creates a negative impression and an atmosphere of a lack of trust, which is not good, especially when your questions are off-base and relate to past insecurities.

What is even more important to realize is that when you focus on a thought long enough (in this instance, 68 seconds) it is scientifically proven to create a neural pathway in your brain. It then becomes a dominating thought in your mind. And if you continue to focus on that same thought for 21 days, it will form a habit–in this case, a bad habit.

The 5 Big Steps for Overcoming Jealousy

1. Realize that jealousy in general is an unattractive trait and emotion. Jealousy eventually repels men instead of attracting them.

2. Understand that no man, woman or thing–not even you!–can take away anyone or anything from your presence if it is a possession that God has allowed to be in your life. So do not worry about things you cannot control or change.

3. Know that no matter what you think and feel about another person, you can never change or control how he thinks and feels about you by forcing your will on him. The only way to truly effect the change you desire in your mate is by being an example of that change. For example, if you are not interested in dating a jealous man, then it certainly will not help you get your point across if you have those same jealousy issues. As the Bible states in Matthew 7:3-5, “Why worry about the speck in the eye of a brother when you have a board in your own?”

4. Give your best and expect the best outcome. Then, if the relationship fails, you know within your heart, mind, body and soul that there is nothing else humanly possible you could have done, leaving no regrets. Also realize that even when you give your best, sometimes relationships run their course, and accept that as a simple fact of life.

5. Admire other women as opposed to being jealous. Look at her and appreciate what makes her special–then find that gift within yourself, the one God gave, special only to you. Once you identify this gem, develop it so that others can appreciate and admire you (1 Corinthians 12:8-11).

In closing, you can overcome jealousy by first admitting to yourself that you may have just a tad bit of a problem. Next, take responsibility and own up to this little emotional pitfall. Follow up with a list of all the corresponding emotions you feel when you are in a jealous state of mind. Then list all of your typical reactions when faced with these emotions, like throwing your keys, slamming doors, raising your voice…you get the point. You might want to have a friend or an ex-boyfriend help you make the list. You need someone who is going to be real and brutally honest with you. You may not agree with half the things he or she says, but put them on your list anyway. After this honest assessment of yourself, meditate on reversing this negative energy and removing and replacing the negatives with positives, using the same energy in the exact opposite direction. Get help and understanding from the five steps above. Again, remember that if you focus on a thought for 68 seconds, it creates a neural pathway in your brain and then becomes a dominating thought in your mind. After 21 days of focusing on this particular thought it becomes a habit–but in this case, a great habit.